My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
