If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
