Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize