Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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