i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
