I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
