I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
