you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
