I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize