That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
