It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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