ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
