They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
youre lurking in front of me
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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