She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
