I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
