in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She's the barista slut.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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