dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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