god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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