Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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