I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
