Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry marieeeee hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(908): View more from New Jersey

So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.

Fav 8 1037 1777
share tweet
(925): View more from California

I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.

Fav 4 4505 793
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(516): View more from New York

We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.

Fav 9 6688 1356
share tweet
(714): View more from California

I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?

Fav 18 4082 1559
share tweet
(785): View more from Kansas

Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".

Fav 16 1390 4757
share tweet
(310): View more from California

I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.

Fav 13 2423 6392
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(202): View more from Washington, DC

just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog

Fav 4 3659 1267
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(631): View more from New York

LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok

Fav 0 342 180
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(952): View more from Minnesota

HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT

Fav 0 41 7
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT