Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
