You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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