He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
