I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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