Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
