Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
