the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize