he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
