I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
