My hand turned me down
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
