# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
