So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
