My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just invented taco cereal.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
