was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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