When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
