So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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