I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude i'm inner monologue high
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
