I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We don't watch enough power rangers
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
