Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
