i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
