it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
