check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
