Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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