Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
