Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
