If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
