even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
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I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
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I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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