Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
