Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
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