The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
