why didn't you poke me back
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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