there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
