Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
