if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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