my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
