this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He better not be in your backpack
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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