our cab driver is having phone sex.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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