New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
