Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
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Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
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Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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