We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
