He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
