when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
