That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
