my sisters under your porch take her home
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
