Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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