Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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