Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
