They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I understand Curling. That high.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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