already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
