When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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