Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
