Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
